I sat down at the dinner table with my husband last night after both children were finally sleeping. I say dinner table, but that’s a glorified description of a table that is mostly used for unopened post, half broken crayons and little cups with leftover breakfast juice. A dinner table implies that we have dinner, complete with place mats and heated plates, perhaps a candle to illuminate our home-cooked masterpieces – a far cry from the reality of last night’s leftover takeaway dish, served with now slightly soft prawn crackers. Still, it’s better than the half-eaten fish finger rejects and cold peas which will probably be on tonight’s menu instead.
We used to sit down at our once dinner table, now utility table, and discuss how our days had been. “How are you doing?” My husband would ask, which would provoke a series of tales of how I had to deal with an interesting client at work or how I was thinking of taking up salsa. Last night’s dinner conversation went like this:
How are you doing?
Tired.
How about you?
Tired.
That was it. That was all we could muster as I gobbled up my sweet and sour chicken and rested my elbow in some half dried play dough. Tired. We’re always tired. We’re so tired it’s now become boring. We’re boring each other with our exhaustion.
There comes a point in your relationship when you just seem to coexist. You’re no longer investing in quality time, just surviving one day after another. I used to mock couples out for dinner who would sit in silence without an ounce of conversation. How could you ever let that happen? I would think. Now it seems more of a reality than ever before. It’s easy to see how years of family life can wear people down, leaving decades of unused place mats and a trail of broken marriages. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Okay, so no amount of caffeine is going to restore our zest for relationships on three hours sleep but if we don’t start when we’re at our lowest then we’re headed for disaster. There has to be a way to invest in relationships when we can’t even find the energy to speak.
And so I’ll tell you what I think it takes…
Instead of affectionately brushing the hair out of my eyes (not that he really ever did that), he is now affectionately wiping the baby sick out of it instead.
Instead of the late nights we spent engrossed in conversation, it’s the late nights we tag team settling our children.
It’s his brush against my arm as we pass briefly on the stairs.
It’s when he overlooks my soft, round belly and he tells me that I’m beautiful.
It’s when he hugs my tired bones instead of just walking by.
It’s when I thank him for reading bed time stories and making me tea and toast.
It’s when I stop my ‘urgent’ tasks to ask him good questions – not just how he is – but what made him feel good or pissed off today.
It’s making choices to be kind instead of reacting out of tiredness, or boredom, or sheer frustration.
It’s when we high five that we made it through another day and we’ll do it all over again tomorrow because we have each other.
And it will get easier. Before you know it we’ll be getting out those placemats again. And maybe we’ll learn to relish the crayon marks and the plasticine caked into the wood grain because they make our table more than just a dinner table. It’s a place of connection and relationship. It’s a place of fun. It’s a place of honesty. It’s a place where we’ll chat and play with our children. And though the crayon marks will fade, I trust that our relationships won’t. I hope that amongst the clutter and the unopened post there will always be places set for each of us.
Now excuse me while I serve up some cold fish fingers and peas.
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Artwork by Lisa Maltby
This post was syndicated with permission to BonBon Break Media, LLC.
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I am an artist, designer, mother and blogger, juggling illustrating children’s books with changing dirty diapers. I started my blog ‘Mother Diaries’ as a series of diary entries from my first year as a parent, determined to be brutally honest about my trials and tribulations as a mother. Since then the blog has evolved to discuss topics that break through some of the pressures mothers feel to be the perfect parent, as well as having a giggle along the way. I am a mother to two beautiful boys who keep me on my toes and out of chocolate cookies.
FAQs
Date Night Done Right: How to Plan a Romantic Dinner for Two
- Choose the Perfect Setting: The setting for your romantic dinner can set the tone for the entire evening. ...
- Set the Mood with Ambiance: ...
- Plan a Delicious Menu: ...
- Add Personal Touches: ...
- Enjoy Each Other's Company:
What is the most romantic meal? ›
Further Best Romantic Dinner Recipes
- NYE Pesto Salmon on Creamy King Prawn Tagliatelle.
- Fig Jam and Goat's Cheese Salmon en Croute.
- Crispy Serrano Ham Topped Chicken.
- Miso Honey Glazed Sirloin Steak.
- Crispy Sesame Chicken Schnitzel.
- Roast Chicken Breast and Peppercorn Sauce.
- 21 Day Aged Rump Steak and Pesto Sauce.
How do you set a table for a romantic dinner for two? ›
A: To decorate for a romantic dinner, focus on creating an intimate and cozy atmosphere. Start with a clean and well-dressed table, then add elements like soft lighting, candles, and flowers. Consider incorporating romantic colors like red, pink, or white. Add personal touches like photos or sentimental items.
How to plan a romantic night at home? ›
Romantic At Home Date Night Ideas
- Candlelit Dinner for Two. It's a classic for a reason! ...
- Cooking Class at Home. Turn your kitchen into a culinary adventure by taking a cooking class together. ...
- Movie Night with a Twist. ...
- DIY Wine Tasting. ...
- Stargazing in Your Hot Tub. ...
- Art Night. ...
- Virtual Travel Experience. ...
- Hot Tub Night.
How do I plan a romantic evening for him? ›
Things To Do at Home for Date Night
- 1: Cook a Fancy Meal Together. Spend some quality time with your partner (and get a delicious meal too) by cooking dinner together. ...
- 5: Learn How To Dance. ...
- 7: Camp Out in Your Backyard. ...
- 8: Learn an Instrument Together. ...
- 10: Plan a Trip Together. ...
- 11: Take-Out by Candlelight. ...
- 12: Do Nothing!
What is the most seductive food? ›
6 sexy foods to get you in the mood (according to science!)
- Avocado. You know how walnuts are great for your brain – and also look a little like a brain? ...
- Ginger. Sex life needs a little zing? ...
- Asparagus. ...
- Oysters. ...
- Dark chocolate. ...
- Artichokes.
What meals do men like the most? ›
Manly Meals: 13 Tasty Recipes for Men
- Grilled Skirt Steak with Charred Corn Salad. ...
- 3-Napkin Baby Back Ribs. ...
- "St. ...
- Redeye Rubbed Burgers with Worcestershire-Glazed Onions. ...
- Beer Brat Skewers with Spicy Slaw. ...
- Hot Dogs with Beer-Braised Sauerkraut. ...
- Fire-Grilled Steak with Salsa Verde. ...
- Guy Fieri's Italian Nachos.
What is an intimate meal? ›
A romantic dinner is a special, intimate meal for two. It involves thoughtful planning, a cozy setting, favorite dishes, dim lighting (often with candles), soft music, and engaging conversation.
How to do romantic home dinner? ›
Before your dinner, create a playlist together of gentle, romantic music you both love. Then, the evening of your big date, dress to the nines. Dim the lights in the dining room and light a few candles on the table, or hang twinkly string lights if open flame isn't your thing.
What is a love meal? ›
Love feasts, or "agape meals," are simple communal meals and services that are intended to promote fellowship, brotherhood, unity, and Christian love among participants. Love feasts originated in the first century among early Christians and are similar to the more widely known Lord's Supper, or Eucharist.
Set the table with a tablecloth, cloth napkins, nice dinnerware, crystal, unscented candles, and flowers. The napkins can be rolled or folded in a pretty way. Sprinkle the table with rose petals or sparkly heart shaped sprinkles. You can set floating candles in small glasses filled partly with cranberry juice.
How do you plan a romantic dinner night? ›
Create a playlist to set the mood, think of creative ways to decorate the dessert, make a list of décor ahead of time (like fresh flowers or a new tablecloth), set up your cooking station, and take out any serving dishes, cooking utensils, and cutting boards you may need.
How many courses in a romantic dinner? ›
If you're cooking at home, consider making a multi-course meal with appetizers, a main course, and dessert. Start with a light and refreshing salad, followed by a flavorful main course such as grilled salmon or filet mignon. Finish the meal with a decadent dessert like chocolate lava cake or tiramisu.
How do you arrange a romantic dinner? ›
It involves thoughtful planning, a cozy setting, favorite dishes, dim lighting (often with candles), soft music, and engaging conversation. The goal is to create a warm atmosphere that fosters connection and allows both partners to enjoy each other's company in a meaningful way.
How do you make a romantic meal? ›
Candles, fairy lights, and music can all help to evoke an intimate ambience, so adding a these to your Valentine's table setting can help set the tone for the evening. You could dim the lights, put on your favourite songs, and add a few candles of varying heights to create the perfect romantic atmosphere.
How do you plan a romantic first night? ›
Create The Right Atmosphere
You want your wedding night to be as romantic as possible, so setting the right kind of ambiance is crucial. Set the tone correctly: light some candles, make a sexy playlist, put satin sheets on the bed and dim the lighting to put you and your partner in the mood.
How to set the mood for a romantic dinner? ›
Bring in candles or twinkle lights or just pick an open field for your picnic—or a post-dinner dessert picnic—where the stars are clearly visible. Whatever you do set the mood, and nothing is more romantic than candlelight. This goes together with the mood lighting. Music brings an extra element to the setting.